So...without further ado...
Calder Trophy: given to the player selected as the most proficient in his first year of competition in the National Hockey League.
The Ray Babbitt Award: given to the rookie selected as the most proficient in one game-deciding skill that has nothing to do with the competition of a hockey game in the National Hockey League.
Selke Trophy: given to the forward who best excels in the defensive aspects of the game.
Runners up: Samuel Pahlsson,
Sulky Trophy: given to the player who best excels at causing fans to sulk day after day over his defensive performance.
Runners up: Denis Savard,
Addams Trophy: presented to the NHL coach adjudged to be so frightening behind the bench as to scare small children and Darren Pang.
Norris Trophy: given to the defense player who demonstrates throughout the season the greatest all-round ability in the position.
Runners-up: Sergei Zubov,
Chuck Norris Trophy: given to the player who demonstrates an orneriness and propensity for pugilism as to make men cringe and women (or Don Cherry) swoon, despite starring in a bad production.
Vezina Trophy: given to the goalkeeper adjudged to be the best at this position.
Runners up: Evgeni Nabokov,
Ve-sieve-ina Trophy: given to the goalkeeper most likely to inspire creative use of profanity by fans and coaches alike.
Pearson Trophy: presented annually to the "most outstanding player" in the NHL.
Runners up: Dany Heatley,
Pavel Bure Trophy: presented annually to the player “mostly out standing at the far blue line” in the NHL.
Hart Trophy: given to the player judged to be the most valuable to his team.
Runners up: Roberto Luongo,
Heartless Trophy: given to the player judged to be least likely to have shown up in the first half.
We kid, because we love. For all of these guys, we’re talking about members of a community of a few hundred that represent the very best in the world at what they do. And we respect their effort…well, except maybe for Jagr.